February 1986 - ME/Sounds (Germany) (Translation below) *
BLIND DATE - ROBERT SMITH 

BLIND DATE - ROBERT SMITH 
We should have guessed!  Inviting a Goth god like Robert Smith to Blind Date had to mean a higher risk, and it wasn’t just that ME/Sounds encountered a pretty drunk “Fat Bob”; the selection of songs also led the notorious man of gloom into an increasingly depressed frame of mind.  So The Cure leader didn’t restrain his malice and devastating judgements, and even insulted our innocent reporter, who after all didn’t have anything to do with the choice of songs … 

Art Of Noise: “Legs”
“Who’s that?  Art Of Noise?  Ah!  I really don’t like this intellectual type of disco music.  Sounds like robots playing music to me, absolutely no soul in it.  If you have to have disco, then Sister Sledge or something like that.  On the other hand, if I’d heard it in the disco yesterday, I might have been moved to dance …”

 Prince: “America” (12”)
“Sounds like Frankie Goes To Hollywood.  Hmm, I really don’t think I can guess who it is.  Prince?  For Christ’s sake, it’s terrible!  And if he knew how stupid he really looks … no, it’s shit.  Just wind the stupid tape on!  Hello Prince!  Can you hear me?  Can I be your psychiatrist?” 

B-Side: “Cairo Nights”
“Eurgh!  That sounds as if David Byrne had had a sex change and swotted up on French at Berlitz.  Well, maybe it isn’t really that bad.  What’s the group called?  B-Side?  Never heard of them …”

Oingo Boingo: “Weird Science”
“Thomas Dolby?  No?  Who is it then?  Oingo Boingo?  Oh, the soundtrack.  It’s all the same, isn’t it?  The song is dreadful anyway.  I met a girl who acted in this film – and she thinks the same as me!”  (Laughs maliciously)

 Pete Townshend: “Face to Face”
(After the first bars)  “Sounds like Sweet, only worse.  Or as if Glenn Tilbrook had hair only half as long and wanted to form a new band called Squeeze.  Tell me who’s yodelling around in such an indescribable way … Pete Townshend?  What in the world does Pete Townshend want with The Squeeze?” 

Charlie Sexton: “Beats So Lonely”
“Oh my God!  Boring American rubbish again.  Dreadful.  Is it John Cougar Mellencamp by any chance?  What’s he called?  Charlie Sexton?  Never heard of him.  And I hope I never have to hear anything from him again!”

 Woodentops: “Well Well Well”
“Funny, that sounds like Suicide 10 years ago.  Is it a comeback or something?  No?  The Woodentops?  Someone went on at me once about how good the band was.  This is the first time I’ve heard them, and all I can say is, there’s worse!”

 Anne Pigalle: “He Stranger”
“Oh, I know that, it’s Anne Pigalle!  There are moments when I really love her voice.  But this song is awful.  I think she’s alright, but she’s wasting her talent on stupid tunes!” 

Paul McCartney: “Spies Like Us”
“I can’t stand the granddad.  He’s got really grey hair already!  But it’s the best song he’s written in a long time.  Yes!  Just towards the end – where it gets faster – that’s when he shows how tasteless he can be again.  Ugh!  Sounds like Bo Diddley.  But the song gets five of a possible ten points, anyway.  All the other tracks on this cassette get no points.  And tell the bastard that put this tape together from me that he should never be a DJ …”

 THANKS: Alison (usedtobe) for the TRANSLATION.