May 1987 - No 1 (UK)
"The Scurriest Laziest Group in in the World"

May 9, 1987
Interview by John Aizlewood
The Cure, whizzing around the charts as usual, have always had plenty to say. Mostly about themselves, mostly untrue, but always worth listening to.

Who's who ...

Robert Smith. Born 21/4/59 in sunny Blackpool, moving to Crawley as a tiny little chap. Robert is most at ease when sleeping and telling little porkies, preferably after a beer or two. "I'd have died to get out of getting a job," he claims, though there was the stint "as a Christmas postie. He's a big (well plump!) fan of New Order, Divine and Indian food. His constant companion is Mary, an ex-model and nurse for-the mentally handicapped who, like the other Cure gals, has given it all up to be with their beaus. Lol Tolhust. Lol arrived 3/5/59,in Horley, near Gatwick Airport. It has been noted that the purpose of The Cure is solely to kill Lol, though he denies this. He likes a game of squash, Chelsea FC and swimming, plus Echo And The Bunnymen. Lol's girlfriend is Lydia Brown, a cocktail waitress and therefore a Cure necessity. Lol has ferrets transplanted under his skin (!-Ed). Simon Gallup: Simon's another Horley boy, born 1/6/60. He says he was a plastic mould dipper, and even left The Cure at one stage (though not to dip plastic moulds) only to speedily return. He's a junk telly addict and watches with Carol Thompson, an ex-secretary. Porl Thompson. The Cure oldie, Paul first drew breath as early as 8/11/57 in Merton. He romps around fields with his dog, Five Minutes, and swims about with goldfish Plop and Shirley. Porl treads the boards with Robert's little sister Janet. Wonder who'll be the best man? Boris Williams Boris was born in Belgrade, Yugoslavia 25/4/58. The Williams clan soon moved to Chichester. Boris is a sporty soul and rides motorbikes, often to cricket matches. He certainly needs the exercise, because he succumbs easily to profiteroles. Being the exotic type, Boris's love is an American lady called Cydne Burnier, an ex-LA tourist guide. Top of The Pops. The Cure don't like Top Of The Pops, and Top Of The Pops doesn't like The Cure either, having to be dragged kicking and screaming to show even a snippet of their dinky videos. "I'd rather watch The Cure on TOTP than some other prat. I'd rather see Echo And The Bunnymen than us though. But I couldn't believe how boring it was being on it - and as for the people who go 'whoo whoo', I really hate them, I have to be physically restrained sometimes. Every time Shakin' Stevens appears, I get a tight feeling in my stomach." Top Of The Politics The Cure are not a political band as such. This hasn't stopped opinions flying back and forth though," My views are pretty much the same as one of my childhood heroes, Spike Milligan. I hope anyone who likes The Cure would be aware enough to realize that the principles of CND are laudable, but the knowledge to make the bomb is available and there's nothing we can do to take if away. I don't imagine we have many fans who'd vote Tory I hope not! Although we support Greenpeace, we don't support political groups as such. Lies Lies Lies "I lie a lot," says Robert truthfully. In The Cure's world, why tell the truth when there's whole fantasy islands out there just waiting to be created? "Nothing ever happens to me, yet people expect me to do wild things. I just create whole mythical worlds around me. When I go abroad, I'll do three different interviews and give three different sets of answers.. Here's how he met Lol: "We went on one of those school trips to Africa and one day we discovered Lol in the bush. He'd been brought up by ant-eaters and half his face had been eaten away by ants. We felt sorry for him, brought him back and paid for the plastic surgery, fed him soup under pites of earth and all that, and how does he repay us? He sneaked ferrets under his skin, that's how." Why the Cure cure As you might have gathered, The Cure don't have much time for the opposition. Still, if you're in a band, you might as well be in the best. "There are literally only three or four records in the Top 50 that I could even think about listening to and only probably one that I know I'd enjoy. I am horrified by the lack of competition. People can't understand that The Cure are not a group as such, it depends on how desperate you are to have a hit. It's nice to get into the charts for the sole reason that it'll be heard on the radio. I'm not being big-headed, but I think it's better than 90% of what you hear on the radio.' Robert says he doesn't have a record player. Personal Life Robert has been with Mary for (he says) about 14 years. Whatever, it's a long time, and though he's not too keen on talking about her it does show what a loyal pussycat he is. He even says he's never flirted before or since. "If you don't have a personal life, all your stimuli come from second hand sources like books or films. I actually loathe the idea of fame, I don't go out in London now." Worry, what Me? Robert worries a lot. "I worry that my words aren't going to interest people, because mainly they're about me, how I feel. They're not about world structures or alternatives." Robert worries not at all. "Do you think you can really run out of things to say? Only unless you've ever put, yourself up as saying, anything in the first place, and I never did. Vague? Who Me? "I am very vague. I don't know why. Ha ha! What's this... I don't know". Bitch Bitch Bitch Just name the names, hold the tape recorders, and try to stop the course of nature. U2: "They could be Led Zeppelin, I hate the way they conduct themselves." The Smiths: "Cynicism is perfected by The Smiths who I hate. Morrissey makes me want to go out and get a steak." Nastassia Kinski: "I've been offered a film opposite her, I turned it down. She's not my type of woman. Ha ha! Siouxsie and the Banshees: Robert: "When I was writing the songs..." Siouxsie: "Fat Bob played what he was told to play." Joan Collins: "She's so awful. Without make-up on she would be one of the scariest looking people in the world. If she took her wig off she'd be horrifying." Barbara Cartland: "Grotesque - she was on a programme about vitamins saying she ate about 50 tablets a day, and I thought "oh my, God, that's a really dangerous thing to say!' The camera zoomed in and her skin was translucent. You could see her skull underneath it Nik Kershaw: "Imagine if Nik Kershaw supported CND, just how many people that would put off." Where Am I? Although The Cure might have once been a bit gloomy, they aren't now and Robert is cheerfully resigned to his fate. " I thought I was destined for great things and just look me now, I'm in the scurriest, laziest group in the world, dressed in a bloody animal suit!" The Future A new album Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me is a double. "It should be Number One," says Robert. Yippee!